How to get your child to cooperate!

Robert Schramm has developed these 7 steps to get your child to cooperate. In applied behaviour analysis, cooperation or compliance is one of the first things we work to establish. The instructor must have instructional control, meaning that the child attempts to do the things that the instructor is asking. Instructional control is an effective working relationship. These 7 steps give you control and will motivate your child to engage with you to earn the things they want. These steps were developed with autistic children in mind but they work for all children! 

Schramm’s 7 steps:

  1. You need to be in control of the things your child wants and you decide when they will get those things.

You should be the ‘giver of good things’. Your child should not be able to freely access these items. Start by going around the house and put any toys or items your child enjoys playing with out of reach. It’s best if your child can see the items, but sometimes these things need to be put into cupboards or treasure chests etc. 

  1. Show your child how fun it can be to be with you. You want your child to enjoy the time they spend with you. 

The focus of most of your interactions should be on pairing yourself with reinforcement. You need to be careful not to put too many demands on your child at the beginning. To do this, you want to comment and narrate your interactions WITHOUT asking questions.  This can be tricky so you  might have to practice! When looking at a book together, instead of saying “What do you see?” “Where’s the dog?” try “I see a dog”, “Here’s a red balloon”. 

Book cover for Robert Schramm's book: The 7 steps to successful parenting. A guide to gaining cooperation while building better relationships.
  1. Be true to your word. The expression to ‘say what you mean and mean what you say’  is vital.  Your child needs to know that they can trust you and you will be consistent. 

Your child uses your words as a guideline for what will happen and what to expect.  If you don’t follow your own rules, why should your child? Consistency is key in getting your child to cooperate.

  1. Make it clear to your child that following your directions is the only way to get the goods. Provide frequent, easy to follow instructions and always provide reinforcement for cooperation. 

We want to teach the child the contingency that they get what they want for cooperating. You can use high P’s or high probability requests to do this.  You give your child directions they’re likely to follow and then reward them for cooperating.  

  1. At the beginning, you have to reward your child after each instance of cooperation. You want to really cement the idea that good choices lead to good things happening for your child. 

By reinforcing each time your child cooperates, your child will start to make the connection between following your directions and receiving the outcomes they want.  This positive working relationship will encourage them to try more and more challenging things in the future. 

  1. Know your child’s priorities and your own as well. 

Write down your child’s preferred reinforcers. Use them. Try to expand that list as often as possible.  While it’s important to know your child’s priorities (what they’re working for) it’s also vital to know what your goals are.  You will often have many goals and they will sometimes compete.  Knowing which is top priority will make it more likely that you will reinforce the most important goals and achieve success faster. 

  1. Teach your child that not cooperating will never result in being reinforced. 

The same way that we need to be hyper vigilant to reinforce all cooperation, we need to be equally as vigilant in not rewarding non-cooperation. When we stop reinforcing a behaviour, sometimes we see a phenomenon called an extinction burst.  This happens when the intensity and/or frequency of a behaviour increases dramatically before it disappears.  The expression that it gets worse before it gets better is 100% true in behaviour.  If we’re prepared and stick to our guns, extinction bursts are quickly overcome. If you’re unsure, it’s best to get help from a behaviour analyst. 

Conclusion

When you employ these 7 strategies, your child will be the most cooperative! Try making one change at a time until you’ve mastered all 7.  Using these ABA strategies with your child will help your child to cooperate as much as it will help you to be an effective teacher.

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